Life in These United States

Old Familiar Things

2009-02-16T19:52:00.000-08:00

I have recently become reacquainted with music from my past, and it means a lot more to me now that it ever did then.

Grace By Which I Stand

Lord, the feelings are not the same
I guess I'm older
I guess I've changed
And how I wish it had been explained
That as you're growing
You Must remember
That nothin' lasts except the grace of God
By which I stand in Jesus
I know that I would surely fall away
Except for the grace by which I'm saved

Lord, I remember that special way
I vowed to serve you
When it was brand new
But like Peter I can't even watch and pray
One hour with you
And I bet I could deny you too

Well nothin' lasts except the grace of God
By which I stand in Jesus
I know that I would surely fall away
Except for Grace by which I'm saved

Well nothin' lasts except the grace of God
By which I stand in Jesus
I'm sure that my whole life would waste away
Except for grace by which I'm saved

Written by Keith Green
Copyright 1980 Birdwing Music ( A Div. of Sparrow Corp.) / Cherry Lane Music Publishing Co., Inc.
(ASCAP) All Rights Reserved.

Only Jesus / Calvary's Love

Only Jesus, Only He
Brings redemption, full and free
There's a yearning, in all our lives
That only Jesus satisfies

Calvary's love will sail forever
Bright and shining, strong and free
Like an ark of peace and safety
On the sea of human need

Through the hours of all the ages
Those tired of sailing on their own
Finally rest inside the shadow
Cast by Calvary's love across their souls

Chorus:
Calvary's love, Calvary's love
Priceless gift Christ makes us worthy of
The deepest sin can't rise above
Calvary's love

Calvary's love can heal the Spirit
Life has crushed and cast aside
And redeem til Heaven's promise
Fills with joy once empty eyes
So desire to tell His story
Of a love that loved enough to die
Burns away all other passions
And fed by Calvary's love becomes a fire

Chorus

Calvary's love has never faltered
All its wonders still remain
Souls still take eternal passage
Sins atoned and heaven gained
Sins forgiven and heaven gained

I could go on, but those are some good ones.

2009-01-21T14:52:00.001-08:00

If there is anything in this world that can drive an honest man into the warm and loving arms of alcohol tabacco and intraveinous narcotis, it is the study of Physical Chemistry, directed by one bug-eyed little creton... some parts of being a Chemist really suck...

Employment

2008-07-09T12:28:00.000-07:00

long time no post. Na was really good, I'm still wearing my wrist band thingy and people keep asking me what happened to me and why I was in the hospital, becuase it looks like a hospital tag. anyway, if you didnt go I would recommend you download the sessions and have a listen. http://www.newattitude.org/conference check them out.

so anyway, main topic, employment, mine to be specific. yesterday I started working at KSU for a professor doing research. right now I'm still just learning how to use the programs and haven't actually done anything yet. but anyway here is an overview of my employment history .

sowers press and character corner were technically my first jobs, but since i was working for my parents i dont really know if those count so i'll start with being a lifeguard at 15. my mom wanted me to be cpr, first aid and lifeguard certified because of all the little siblings i have, so that she would feel more comfortable when all of us went swimming. she was talking to one of her friends about it and they told her of a neighborhood pool that was in need of a lifegaurd. know people, get the hookups. summer job, yeah. the other lifeguard quit in like the middle of june so I was the only lifeguard, so i had to be there 11-5 everyday, except sundays when it was 1-5 so i could go to church. it was cool at first but after two months of sitting under "Foster's, Australian for Beer" to avoid the sun. i was done being a lifegaurd.
didnt really do anything substantial after that until i started working at Panara Bread my senior year of HS. Matt wanted me to work there with him and I think he felt he owed me cus I gave the lifeguarding job. I cleaned everything and made coffe and tea. not bad, just boring. worked jan til august when i started going to GaTech.
spring break 05 i came home saturday and said "I should really get a job since I'm not going anywhere". monday I was being "trained" by Tim at Sonic. Jon when to Andre and told him "my brother wants to work here". i filled out the application for record keeping purposes my second week on the job. pretty fun job when all the cool people worked there. the general manager possition changed hands 8 times in the year and a half i worked there. the job itself wasnt all that bad, but the boss was pretty much a jerk and didnt know how to run his store at all. I got fired while i was out of town because of another general manager switch. boss man never said a word for me, even though I'd been his fall guy on many occations. whatever, i was about to quit anyway. I will never work in fast food again...
jon found out about cutco while he was at college, got me into it. awesome knives, brilliantly made , but super expensive. If they weren't so awesome and didnt have the lifetime warrenty i would probably feel bad about all the people I duped into buying them. I cant stand salesmen, and i really cant stand being one. never again.
last december Trent started working at HomeDepot, and remembering the good times we had at Sonic, and the fact that I was jobless. He convinced me to apply, and put in a good word for me. not a bad job at all. really good pay. but none of the higher ups liked me except the black lady that got fired. i only worked weekends. most of the people that worked there were doing it as their actual job, so it had the paperwork and "professionalism" of a real job. but it was part time work, and I could not reconsile this with them, so I quit.
I've also done lots of other random things, like I worked for Hudson Landscaping Services one day. I've proctored the SAT. worked on a couple campaigns (side note to chandler: my dad reminded me of two we helped out with a long time ago, I didnt lie to charlice on purpse...)., I've worked at TKA doing consturction, cleanup, teaching, etc. and there are couple other things I've done.
now I am a researcher.
why is this job so much different than all my other ones?
easy
every other job I've ever had someone helped, or forced, me to get. this one, completely out of the blue, random email. significance? I tried for about a month to find one of these research positions back in the spring, becuase I need it to graduate. I got nothing. So I prayed and asked God to take care of it, quit worrying about it and put my trust in Him. now, completely out of no where, just when I need it. He drops this on me. I would consider this the first "real" job I've ever had, the only thing I'd be proud of to put on a resume. and I had nothing to do with getting it. she sent the email to about 50 people. no one else responded. no contestation. sound like a job arranged perfectly with me in mind? No doubt in my mind. He set this up for me. I'm just glad I was patient, but with a purpose. waiting on Gods timing. most of the time students end up spending 8-10 hours a week in a lab doing research for a professor for the two credit hours that it counts for, because they have to to graduate. very rarely to they get paid. even more rarely do they get paid what I'm going to be paid. better than I could have possible hoped for.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Eph 3:20-21

2008-05-19T21:17:00.000-07:00

It is well with my soul

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well,
with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well,
with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well,
with my soul.

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well,
with my soul.

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well,
with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well,
with my soul.

Dr. Reese, the chair of the Bible and Theology department at taccoa falls college, spoke sunday, he was good.

John the Piper

2008-05-10T21:40:00.000-07:00

John Piper, on Dont waste your life, falling in with our theme of Being Men of Enfluence. MAC men's retreate this weekend.

dont waste your life.

how do people waste their lives?

lots of ways...
Pursuit of money,
pursuit of happyness,
pursuit of status,
pursuit of power,
pursuit of retirement,
pursuit of anything but Christ.

ok, so thats all well and good, but what about all that stuff we have to have to live? money being one of them. how do you aquire the means to live without pursuing money?

money* is given to us, so we can us it in such a way to show that money* is not our God.

*also friends, jobs, possessions, time, etc...

basically, we need stuff to live, but we have these things so that we can glorify God, by using in such a way that shows Christ is the most important thing.

so there is a summary, as if any Piper sermon could be summed up in so few words... I'm still wading threw the rest.

It'll prob be NA before I post again, just cus...

and just for the record, If anyone asks, Tommy got owned twice at Blurt and like 42 times in the canoes...

hmm

2008-04-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

its not that I lack profound thoughts, or things worth sharing... It's just that I lack motivation to share.

God is good, go read Ephesians and find out for yourself.

sunrise

2008-03-12T20:16:00.000-07:00

sunrise is better with your Bible in one hand and a donut in the other...

Proverbs 12
1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.
(could it be said any more bluntly?)
2 A good man obtains favor from the LORD, but the LORD condemns a crafty man.
3 A man cannot be established through wickedness, but the righteous cannot be uprooted.
4 A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
(crowns are nice, osteoporosis... not so much...)
5 The plans of the righteous are just, but the advice of the wicked is deceitful.
6 The words of the wicked lie in wait for blood, but the speech of the upright rescues them. (does my speech rescue anyone?)
7 Wicked men are overthrown and are no more, but the house of the righteous stands firm.
8 A man is praised according to his wisdom, but men with warped minds are despised.
9 Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than pretend to be somebody and have no food.
10 A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.
11 He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment.
12 The wicked desire the plunder of evil men, but the root of the righteous flourishes.
13 An evil man is trapped by his sinful talk, but a righteous man escapes trouble.
(your lies will come back to haunt you)
14 From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him.
15 The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.
16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.
(think before you say something stupid or falsely assign motives to people)
17 A truthful witness gives honest testimony, but a false witness tells lies.
18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
(how often do I speak recklessly?)
19 Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.
20 There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace.
21 No harm befalls the righteous, but the wicked have their fill of trouble.
22 The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.
23 A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly.
(dont go around blurting out everything you know about everyone)
24 Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in slave labor.
25 An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.
26 A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
(Am I cautious?)
27 The lazy man does not roast his game, but the diligent man prizes his possessions.
(lazy fool wont even feed himself...)
28 In the way of righteousness there is life; along that path is immortality.

the ( ) is my thoughts, not scripture...

*Insert Break. Continuous.

When I Go Down

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

good song, not so happy, but appropriate for this season of life.

*Insert Break. Continuous.

so i was hopping around Pauls letters the other day, I really like the way The Holy Spirits wrote through him, especially the sarcasm. I had never noticed before how sarcastic Paul was, it made me happy inside to catch a glimpse of God's sense of humor.

morning

2008-03-10T11:46:00.000-07:00

have you ever stood on top of a frozen world and watched as the sun breaches the horizon? have you ever felt the very first rays of light on you face, or seen the very tip top of the sun appear over a distant mountain?

if not, you should, cus its one of the most beautiful things God makes happen.

Faith

2008-02-24T11:23:00.000-08:00

Goes beyond simply believing in something you can't see.

What does the Scripture say? "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness." - Romans 4:3 NIV

Abraham didn't focus on his own impotence and say, "It's hopeless. This hundred-year-old body could never father a child." Nor did he survey Sarah's decades of infertility and give up. He didn't tiptoe around God's promise asking cautiously skeptical questions. He plunged into the promise and came up strong, ready for God, sure that God would make good on what he had said. That's why it is said, "Abraham was declared fit before God by trusting God to set him right." But it's not just Abraham; it's also us! The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless. The sacrificed Jesus made us fit for God, set us right with God. - Romans 4:19-25 Message

And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness," and he was called God's friend. - James 2:23 NIV

Then he believed in the LORD; and He reckoned it to him as righteousness. -Gen. 15:6 NASB

I like the Message, it explains stuff well. so not only did Abraham believe that God would give him a child (sarah didnt but thats a whole different issue with what happened there...) he also believed God's promises, no matter what. he was old as all get out and sarah was way beyond child bearing capabilities. then after she does have the child, God asks Abraham to sacrifice him. without skipping a beat or doubting God for a second, Abraham agrees and automatically assumes that God already has a plan to fulfill His promise, wether its by raising Isaac from the the dead or by some other means, and in response to Isaac's question about what they are going to sacrifice, Abraham replies, "God will provide". doesnt that blow your mind? do you have that kind of blind trust in God, trust that no matter what He asks of you, no matter how bizare it seems to you, that it is for your own good and the He has your best interest in mind? do you trust Him to fulfill His promises? Do I? If faith the size of a mustard seed could move a mountain, what could faith like Abrahams do?

Rapture me this

2008-01-30T22:24:00.000-08:00

so i went to the college Bible study at Burnt Hickory Baptist tonight with ashley from physics, joel came too. The teacher/pastor guy was pretty cool, he seemed like an awesome dude, but he seemed like two separate awesome dudes... if you know what i mean, he was like a totally different person while he was teaching, than he was before and after. anyway, he talked about the end times and how as christians who can read and have access to the Bible, we have no excuse not to be able to defend what we believe with scripture. he did an overview of his previous two lessons about what Daniel and Jesus had to say about the end times, and then went into Paul's letters. his main focus was on the "tribulation" and the "rapture" neither of which is acutally in the Bible. similar ideas are there, but not the main stream missrepresentations that we are all familiar with. he went on to say that post-trib, pre-trib, mid-trib, is all pointless anyway, becuase we know for sure that we will be taken up to the clouds with Jesus pre-wrath. so we wont have to face the wrath and judgement of God upon the earth. Grace is the reason for this. Amazing Grace. so basically i need to read my Bible more, and I may start driving out into the middle of no where every other week to go to this Bible study.

--Toph

P.S. in addition to my last post. the main reason I love sunflower seed so much is because i have an oral fixation. I was diagnosed with this my senior year in highschool, but Mrs. Weller, because i was chewing on a pen. i think she was right. basically it means that i like to play with stuff with my mouth and chew on stuff, like pens and pencils. i also bite my nails, and will chew the same piece of gum for many many hours, and can tie a cherry stem in a knot lickety split. so i like the seed cus its a bit of everything, chew a little, flip it around some and split it open, eat a tiny little snack, spit, repeat. good times.

Would you like some... seed?

2008-01-29T19:15:00.000-08:00

my new crutch, actually not so new... i've been eating them like crazy for like two weeks. i keep em in my car and eat them whenever i go anywhere. i keep an old cola can in my car to spit the seeds into. Bar-b-que and Jalepeno are the best, but only cus i cant find jim beam anymore... Dill Pickle is not all i hoped it would be, and whenever you want 'em emma, they're yours.

I have to go read physics now, cus the teacher doesnt teach...

uncertainty

2008-01-25T21:35:00.001-08:00

It's hard to show what you believe, to not just be caught up in the flow and go along with whatever. I have come to realize lately that I dont often carry conversations, is the subject is of a light manner, I'll tell a story about one of my past experiences that realates. if the conversation is more of a heavy manner, I listen, and ask questions, but dont really talk. so i guess sometimes I'll lead a conversation in a direction by the questions i ask... but thats not the same. I dont know, maybe its just the way I see it, but a whole lot of what i say is useless drivel, and i usually realize this while i'm saying something, instead of right before, which would be a lot better... I dont think I like me very much, I'm kinda lame... I should work on that.

The Presence

2008-01-13T10:23:00.000-08:00

Ever felt the presence of the Holy Spirit? It's the greatest feeling ever. There is no way to fully describe it, but I'm going to do my best, cus its worth talking about. Amazing Sermon followed by deep meaningful worship. starts with a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach, similar to nervous butterflies, but by no means the same. Then a feeling of heavyness, heavy burning sinsation almost, not pain, but very warm, so warm it sends chills down your spine. sweaty palms, shaky hands, wobbly knees. you feel like you cant move or stand, but you are, you move out of your pew and walk down to the alter, but it doesnt feel like you're walking, its almost like an out of body experience, because you dont feel like you're telling your body to do what its doing. you still feel like you're shaking, but you're not. all you can do is fall into the presence of the Lord and pray, commune with the Father in the deepest most spiritual way.

God works in mysterious way, earlier this morning i was thinking about Moses and how he asked God to show him His Glory, and God showed him just a little, so Moses would live through the experience. I was just thinking about how cool it would be to have an experience like that, and then, like two hours later, God showed me, just a little bit.

Good way to start off the year, makes me happy, and thankful, and full of awe.

2008-01-05T14:11:00.000-08:00

Living on my own, thinking for myself
Castles in the sand, temporary wealth
Walls are falling down, storms are closing in
Tears have filled my eyes, here I am again

And I've held out as long as I can
Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand

Daddy, here I am again
Will You take me back tonight
I went and made the world my friend
And it left me high and dry
I drag Your name back through the mud
That You first found me in
Not worthy to be called Your son
Is this to be my end
Daddy, here I am
Here I am again

Curse this morning sun
Drags me in to one more day
Of reaping what I've sown
Of living with my shame
Welcome to my world
And the life that I have made
Where one day you're a prince
The next day you're a slave

good song, it made me happy the other day.
casting crowns, prodigal.

humorous anecdote time

the other day, my sister and I were watching Full House. the youngest daughter, michelle (one, and or both of the olsen twins) got a gold fish for a pet, she was told to feed it once a day and to keep it clean, because "fish like to be clean like humans like to be clean." so she gives the goldfish a bubble bath and kills it. after the usual explanation about death, she gets another goldfish. this one happens to be preggo. she freaks at first, but after learning that the little squirmy things are baby fish she thinks its awesome. so she turns to her dad and asks "where do babies come from?". bob saget quickly changes the subject. heres the funny part, Victoria, my 9 year old sister, looks and me and says "that was the dumbest question ever!". i smirked and asked her why, and she goes "becuase, you're not supposed to ask that", again i ask why. "becuase, you're not suppose to know that until you're married", i continue with the why. "becuase, you're not supposed to make babies until you're married".

so the morral of the story and the wisdom of a 9 year old, "you're not supposed to know how to make babies until you are married, becuase you're not supposed to make babies until you're married"

Stars

2007-12-02T21:03:00.000-08:00

So I was outside the other night, lookin up at the stars like I often do, when an idea hit me. It pretty much left me in awe. The idea is this: every single star out there has a name, not just one of those alpha-numeric assignments that NASA gave them, but an actual God-given name. So I was thinking about that, and it kinda blew my mind. God has a name for every single star in the sky, and all the ones in those far off galaxy's that look like just one to us. But the best part is, He knows all those stars, and He still cares about me... AWEsome.

Isaiah 40:26
Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

my thorn

2007-11-11T12:52:00.000-08:00

ok, so maybe i will use this thing. the sermon today was on one of the promises of God.

2 Cor. 12:1-10

1I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. 2I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. 3And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— 4was caught up to paradise. He heard inexpressible things, things that man is not permitted to tell. 5I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.
7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

A thorn in your side. It doesn’t keep you from being able to go about your regular business, but its very irritating. Every time you move, get up, walk, twist or even breathe, it stabs you. You are constantly aware of it, and it causes weakness. Paul had a thorn, and God would not take it away, even though Paul pleaded with Him. God knew that Paul needed the thorn. He needed it to keep him humble. He needed it to make him weak, so that God’s power could be made perfect through his weakness. Everything good about you, every gift and ability, every experience you’ve been through, and everything you’ve learned; all places where you could be tempted to be prideful. Pride attacks when things are going well, when you think you’ve got everything under control. When you don’t think you need to rely on God anymore. “My power is made perfect in weakness.” God works best when you give Him control and don’t get in the way. It is easiest to give Him control over the stuff you know you can’t do anyway, your weaknesses. That is, if you acknowledge your insufficiency and stop trying to do it on your own. So basically, stop trying to get rid of the thorn, and ask God for grace to endure, and for His power to work.
So I got a couple thorns, I used to complain to God, ask Him to get rid of them, tried to get rid of them myself, they got worse, kinda like a porcupine quill, just keeps burying itself deeper, and bugging you more. By trying to do things on my own, I have gotten weaker, but that may be a good, thing, now His power can be perfect.

the beginning

2007-11-05T18:21:00.000-08:00

i'm really only doing this so i can comment on other peoples... but i may do some stuff every now and then.